After years of self-reflection, self-discovery, soul searching, and working with my amazing clients, I discovered there are often 10 limiting factors that restrict women from living the life they want. Read this article to figure out which of the limiting factors might be stopping you from achieving your goals and living the life you want and deserve. But don’t worry, I don’t stop there. I will even tell you exactly HOW to reverse these challenges and make them work for you. Let’s dive in!
#10 Big Dreams & Unrealistic Expectations
Have you ever had a dream and you were certain it was going to be the next best thing? However, weeks, months or years go by and you think “will this ever happen? Will I ever make it?”
Why is this a problem? Having big dreams is fantastic and encouraged! However, if you don’t have a real idea of what you are getting yourself into, this could become a big problem! Too often we get excited by the dream and don’t realize the time commitment, or the “out of my comfort zone” tasks that need to be done and sometimes later realize, “darn I don’t think this is for me!?!!”.
What to do? Before you jump in full force, do some research. Talk to people who have gone through a similar experience you are thinking of embarking on. Make sure you know about the possible challenges ahead. Often we begin new things only thinking about the fun and exciting part. However, the fact remains, all dreams can come true and all dreams have both fun and challenging moments.
#9 Not Taking Good Care of Oneself
Many busy women on the go don’t eat right, don’t drink enough water, don’t take appropriate down time and often find themselves burnt out or getting close to it. This affects their motivation, productivity, and self-esteem. How often do you look at yourself in the mirror and go, I love me and my body? I bet, not often enough! There’s no way you can be your best if you don’t prioritize self-care.
What to do? Drink a glass of water first thing in the morning. Add movement to your day, whether that’s a stretch session on your mat, a nice walk in nature, a hard workout in the gym, move. Ensure you have a good sleep routine. When tired and run down, pamper yourself with a nice bath and if you can afford it, go to the Spa. Do your best to work hard, to rest and renew.
#8 Mis-Management of Emotions
Have you ever gone through an unpleasant experience and you were so angry, insulted or even so saddened that it consumed your thoughts for days, even weeks? Or maybe you’re really good at suppressing or ignoring your emotions, hoping you don’t need to deal with life’s unpleasantries?
Mis-management of emotions stops us from being and doing what we want. Imagine being able to bounce back in minutes, a couple of hours or a day instead of weeks, months or even years. Plus, keeping emotions in can later create physical symptoms and serious illnesses.
What to do? First identify your emotion and give yourself the time and space to just FEEL it. If you are sad, cry! If you are angry, vent, write it out or go punch a punching bag. Ask yourself “why am I feeling this way?”. Refrain from blaming others and find out what YOU could do differently to manage the situation or to have a different outcome. For example, instead of saying, “I’m very upset that this person was so rude to me,” you could tell yourself, “I’m angry, because I didn’t stand up for myself”. This gives you control of the situation and gets you out of the unproductive victim mode.
#7 Lack of Commitment, Self-Discipline & Action
What does that look like? Well it’s having great ideas, talking about plans and sharing your excitement about what you want to accomplish and then… you don’t really move forward. Or maybe you go from one idea to the other, not following through until the end. What happens next? Feelings of failure, negative self-talk, frustration and embarrassment. Argh!
What to do? It’s so important to be clear about what you want to do and then to tell yourself… “I am committing, no matter what!” For example: “I want to meditate everyday because I know it will help me relax, feel more grounded, and clear… so I’m doing it!” Then it’s time to build your self-discipline and do it! Don’t jump in full force, build in your new habit bit by bit. You might want to commit to meditating 3 times in the first week. After that success, you meditate 4 times the next week and keep increasing the “action” until you reach your goal! 🙂
#6 Living More in Their Head than in the Present Moment
Have you ever caught yourself driving to a destination and then all of a sudden you realize you’re there already and you don’t recall much of the drive?!! Eeesh! Been there, done that! I mean you were in your car right? Where the heck did you go while you were driving? Yep! In your head you went.
So many women get caught up with their thoughts, their to-do lists, their fantasies and regrets, and live more in their head than in the present moment. Did you know that also speeds up the aging process?!! No, thank you! Being more in your head creates so much stress and anxiety within activating your nervous system, and also stops you from noticing amazing opportunities that could be right under your nose.
What to do? Please do yourself a favour and invest some time in calming that beautiful and brilliant mind of yours! STOP. Stop long enough that you feel peace of mind and relaxed. If stopping is too hard to calm your mind, slow down. You could practice some Qigong, meditate, and/or ground yourself. One of the ways to calm the mind is to bring awareness to your body. Bringing mind energy to the body so you can intuitively be led instead of trying to figure it all out with your mind. Eat your food consciously and use your senses to bring you back in the present moment.
#5 Lack of Trust
Isn’t that a big one? We could be lacking trust in ourselves, others, life and even the “Universe” or God. Lacking trust feeds the belief you have to figure it all out on your own. It communicates to your brain that you are not safe, and feeds this constant feeling of threat and triggers your sympathetic system into fight of flight. Lacking trust stops you from living the life you dream about and desire. Lack of trust shuts you down and pulls you away from your life purpose. Lack of trust is one of the biggest saboteurs!
What to do? Learn to trust yourself first. Trust that even if you don’t know something, the answer will come to you, through you or you will discover it naturally through your life experiences. Look back at what you learned from your past experiences and discover that everything had a purpose. Life gives you exactly what you need to grow and flourish. Review your life and look at how things unfolded perfectly for your self-development. If having a lack of trust is BIG in your life, consider reading “Trust - Mastering the Four Essential Trusts” by Iyanla Vanzat.
#4 Not Being Your Authentic Self
Do you find yourself being a people pleaser? Do you catch yourself changing depending on who you are with? Can you describe your personality traits, your strengths, your desires and what you would love to do with your life? Do you stand up for yourself and speak your mind without fear of judgment?
We all have a birth right to be ourselves and we need to be ourselves to balance things up in this world. You were created for a reason and if you are not your authentic self… you and everybody else is losing out! You have specific talents, life experiences, desires, personality traits, ideas and a purpose. Not being yourself is exhausting to you and confusing to others.
What to do? Be yourself! Invest in your self-discovery and identify what stops you from being yourself. If you are afraid to be judged for being yourself, think about this for a second. People judge, because not everybody understands and respects differences in people. So if you pretend to be someone you are not, there will be people that will love you and others that will judge you and not like you. If you are yourself, there will be people that love you and others that will judge you and not like you. Might as well be your authentic self!
#3 Sabotaging Your Success with Limiting BS
Ah yes… Limiting Belief Systems. They are tricky sometimes, and hard to detect, and on top of that, limiting beliefs will sabotage any chance you have of living the life you want! Limiting Belief Systems can be:
“I can‘t have my own business, because I don’t have the money to invest”
“I can’t buy a house, because I spend my money as soon as I get it”
“I will be single forever, because I am shy and clumsy”
“I’m stuck in this job, because I didn’t go to college or university”
“I can’t leave this job, because I need my pension”
This is a poisonous way of thinking, I say…POISON! These limiting beliefs first off are not true. They have been ingrained in you from your upbringing, from society, and maybe even from your PAST experiences. We are no longer in the past and the future is ahead for you to create.
What to do? Pay attention to your thoughts. Look for “I can’t…” and question yourself. What could I do to change? Who could I ask for some help? What do I feel is most important for myself right now? Turn your limiting belief system around and try it out. For example: “I’m stuck in this job, because I didn’t go to college or university” and turn it around by saying “I have the freedom to look for another job, because I have many skills and experience”.
#2 Thinking You Have to Do It All On Your Own
Wonder Woman! Is this you? Do you think that you have to figure it all out on your own? Are you adamant to prove yourself that you are a strong and independent woman? Do you feel you should be able to do it on your own? This can be exhausting!
Oh my goodness, I remember years ago when I lost my job and was trying to figure out what my business was going to look like. It was so challenging to try to figure it all out. Who am I? Who are my ideal clients? What is my purpose? What type of services am I going to offer? How much should I charge? What are my strengths and how can I best use them? How can I make enough money to keep my house, my car and not go into big time debt? How can I remain calm and focused to get everything done?!!! I needed help! So I hired a coach, took some self-development courses and off I went, feeling clearer and more confident than ever!
What to do? Ask yourself and write down, what do I want to accomplish? Then from that list, identify if you can do it, if the timing is right and identify where you need help. Identify the skills you have and the things you love to do and the rest, explore how you can have someone help you out. You might need to delegate or you might need to work with a professional to help you implement what is important to you
Investing in yourself and your dreams is the greatest gift and necessity for success. All successful people that I know have asked for help.
#1 Self-Judgment and Self-Criticism
Do you find yourself saying negative things like, “I’m such a procrastinator”. “I’m a wimp”. “I’m selfish for doing what I love”. “I’m so naïve”. “I’m so stupid”. I could go on and on. Self-judgment is not healthy and poisons the connection with yourself, and affects your relationship with others.
What to do? Notice the judgments that you have towards yourself and ask yourself: “Am I always a wimp?” “Am I always so stupid?” NO! Please acknowledge the judgment you have towards yourself… it is usually not true! You are not always a wimp! Next, realize that the reason you judge yourself is because you expect to always be nice, always be smart, always be on the ball, always doing something… always perfect?! Is this realistic? NO!
Humans have both positive and negative traits. When you catch yourself doing something you don’t like, just acknowledge it and put effort into changing next time. Forget self-judgment – it won’t serve you!